Kissing Complete Strangers
by Vampiyaa
Summary: Six/Rose; Nine/Rose crack!fic. The Sixth Doctor and Peri take a vacation to Paris, where the Doctor hastens to prove that yes, he will kiss a complete stranger. Unfortunately, the blonde woman he chose to spring a snog on won't be a stranger forever. Surprise birthday present for natural-blues :)


**Surprise! Happy birthday, Iaia!**

* * *

Kissing Complete Strangers

The Sixth Doctor and Peri Brown collapsed into the TARDIS console room, slamming the door behind them, covered in muck and slime and God knows what else.

"I'm sorry!" the Doctor shouted over the gurgling sounds coming from outside. "Oh, dear Rassilon, that's disgusting," he added, spitting out goop and heaving himself up off the floor to pilot them into the Vortex.

"Giant slugs!" said Peri shrilly, looking at her arms and nearly retching at the sight of electric green slime clinging to her skin. It looked like bogies. "Of all the planets to land on, you choose the one with giant slugs! Of all the species to offend, you choose _giant bloody slugs_!"

"I didn't know it was a criminal offence to point out that the King's crown was crooked!" the Doctor defended himself, wrinkling his nose at the sight of the nameless goo on his shoes. "I didn't even know it _was _a King! I thought it was an amorphous crown holder!"

"Maybe you should choose a planet for once that doesn't have slimy things chasing us!" Peri said, standing up and avoiding looking at the goop. "I'm going to take a shower! Then I'm going to have a bubble bath! And then…" She turned her eyes on the sheepish-looking, slime-covered Doctor. "_Then _we're going on a vacation. Somewhere where there's no danger. Or slime. Or anything sticky!"

Without letting the Doctor answer, Peri stormed off out of the console room and into her room. Stripping off her slimy clothing and tossing them into the hamper — to either be washed or, if she couldn't get the stains out, incinerated — Peri hopped into the shower. It took a good hour to get all the goo out of her hair and off her body, as it seemed to be sticking to her and wouldn't shift. Eventually she was clean and Peri, true to her self-promise, ended up just drawing herself a bubble bath and relaxing her muscles, stiff from running on slime-covered ground from gurgling amorphous blobs.

Peri dried her hair and changed into a fresh pair of clothes before putting on her best angry face and heading into the console room. The Doctor had changed as well, from yellow trousers with red stripes and a blue polka dot cravat to a pair of white pinstriped beige trousers and a yellow cravat patterned with stars. Apparently his waistcoat and jacket had been salvageable, since they both clung to his lean frame, looking one hundred per cent slime and stain free.

He smiled guiltily at her when she re-entered the console room. "You look cleaner."

"No thanks to you," Peri grumbled. "Where are we?"

The Doctor pointed to the doors, looking particularly smug. "See for yourself."

Peri gave him a death glare (if they were on another slime planet, she was going to murder him and dance on his grave) before opening the doors and stepping outside. Her mouth dropped open.

"_Paris_?"

The Doctor followed Peri out of his TARDIS and into the French afternoon sun, with a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower about a kilometre away from where they were. He smirked at his companion, whose jaw had dropped onto the pavement at the sight of the famous landmark. "Yes, Peri. Paris."

"I ask for a vacation and you take me to _Paris_?" Peri gawked, before clutching her hands to her chest, jumping up and down and squealing, "Thank you, thank you, _thank you_!"

"You're very welcome," he said smugly, preening as she hugged his arm. "What shall we do first?"

"Oh, I don't know!" Peri gasped. "What do you _do _in Paris? I've never even been outside California! Well, besides the alien places you take me," she added. "Ooh, let's go see a mime!"

He chuckled at her as they strode down the sunlit Parisian street. "That's just a stereotype, Peri."

"I'm actually a little relieved— those things scare me," Peri shuddered, prompting another laugh from him. "So then, there aren't any random guys in berets offering you roses or painting the canal or something?"

"I'm sure if you looked hard enough, you'd find one," he shrugged, and Peri giggled. "Although no, they aren't as common as portrayed in the media."

They ended up going on a 'stereotype hunt' as the Doctor called it, looking for mimes and men with berets handing out roses and the like. They ended up making a scene when they spotted a couple eye shagging each other over an almond-embedded croissant and burst into raucous laughter, the Doctor even pointing. Peri had to actually drag him away when a man in a thick French accent offered to paint his portrait (it was actually just one of those tourist attractions advertising caricatures) and he'd readily accepted, being the egomaniac that he was. Eventually they strolled beneath the Eiffel Tower, munching on cheese-covered baguettes and simply people-watching.

"Today was fun," Peri sighed, and the Doctor beamed smugly. "Still, wish we'd had a guidebook or something. Then we would have known what to do instead of being the most clueless tourists ever."

"Peri, you can't just read the guidebook, you've got to throw yourself in!" the Doctor exclaimed, stuffing the last of his baguette into his mouth and wiping crumbs off his hands. "Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers."

Peri snorted, just as a lovely blonde woman in a delicate yellow sundress placed herself next to the Doctor to look up at the Tower. "Like _you _would ever kiss a stranger."

"I most certainly would!" he insisted, looking affronted.

"I don't think you're brave enough," Peri teased.

"You take that back, Peri Brown!" the Doctor gasped dramatically, pointing at her.

"I won't," said Peri, with a grin. "Go on, then, prove yourself."

Drawing himself up, the Doctor gave her one last firm look before whirling around and grabbing the unsuspecting blonde woman, dipped her backwards and captured her lips. Peri collapsed into hysterical giggles at once as her rainbow Doctor successfully and quite thoroughly snogged the woman, whose face reflected nothing but complete astonishment. Pulling away with a loud popping sound, he straightened them both up and beamed at the gaping woman. "My apologies, my dear Madame, I was merely proving a point."

Linking his arm with Peri, who was now laughing uncontrollably, the Doctor strode away with her down the path.

* * *

Sufficed to say, today had been the oddest day of Rose Tyler's life— which was saying something, since she'd been travelling with the Doctor for nearly a year now.

The morning started off with Jack waddling into her room in nothing but a towel, asking to borrow her soap, and Rose ended up having to get up and point out the giant stock of soap under his sink. Then, after the Doctor had thoroughly yelled at the captain, said Doctor had cheerfully announced that they were on the planet Nahani, which, due to his poor driving skills, they most certainly were not. Instead they had landed on a planet called Trfrgr where, the Doctor had warned her, the locals were immensely erratic and rather dim. To prevent from getting arrested, the Doctor and Jack had to pretend to be her pets and she had to walk around holding them on leashes (prompting a ten minute laugh on Rose's part at the sight of _the_ _Doctor_, all gruff and Oncoming Stormy, on a leash), and she spent the first hour or so on the planet insisting that, no, she was not made of celery. In the end it wasn't Jack or the Doctor who got arrested, but Rose, by two native and thoroughly scatterbrained guards, apparently for 'being pink'. When Rose pointed out that literally _everybody _in the town square had pink skin, including the guards who were trying to detain her, they arrested everybody in the square and them promptly arrested themselves. So she spent the first half of the morning glaring daggers at the guards, who kept trying to feed her pink radishes (and wasn't that just hypocritical).

When Rose was released after she promised to do her very best to stop being pink, she returned at once to the TARDIS, where she inexplicably found the Doctor and Jack tangled up in their leashes. After untangling them before they strangled each other, she ended up getting her revenge by ignoring the Doctor for the rest of the morning— at least, until she tried to do some laundry in the newly 'jiggery-pokeried' washer, which, upon rejecting her clothes and refusing to open for a full twenty minutes, ended up spitting out a giant flock of blue moths the size of rabbits, and Rose still didn't know where they all went.

Eventually she'd had enough and demanded to be taken to Earth, where there wouldn't be any nonsense to drive her mental. Apparently guilty at last, the Doctor piloted them to 21st century Paris to see the Eiffel Tower, where Jack had swanned off with a French woman in three seconds (a new record for him) and the Doctor had left to get her some sample cheese-covered baguettes.

Rose watched Jack chat up the French lady and chuckled a bit. When Rose described her day to her mum next time she saw her, Jackie was going to be roaring. With laughter or rage, she wasn't sure which. She wasn't really angry with the Doctor — hell, even she had to admit this day was funny (being pink, _honestly_) — but she just wanted the Doctor to know that he needed to learn to drive. And not get her arrested for being pink.

Rolling her eyes when Jack got in the woman's personal space — she didn't seem to mind all that much — Rose turned away from him and sauntered up to the Tower, heading over to the railing. She gave the chattering bloke next to her an odd look (how many colours does one _need _in a single outfit?) and stared up at the Tower. Rose never thought she'd get to see Paris in her lifetime. She and Shareen used to prattle on for hours about one day visiting Paris, the city of love, with the blokes they'd fall in love with. Rose was sort of fulfilling that dream, even if the bloke she was in love with was a big-eared, grumpy alien who'd only taken her there as an 'I'm sorry for bringing you to a nonsense planet' gift. And they had a guest who was more than willing to shag a bush if it asked. Which, if they found the right planet, it probably would.

The man beside her suddenly whirled around and grabbed her by her shoulders. Before she could react, he was dipping her backward and crashing his mouth against hers, while his female friend positively roared with laughter in the background. She was aware of Jack's voice from far away shouting faintly, "_Go Rosie_!" just as the bloke released her mouth with an audible 'mwah' and straightened up, beaming at her like he hadn't just snogged a stranger.

"My apologies, my dear Madame, I was merely proving a point," the man said, winking at her before grabbing his guffawing companion by the arm and steering her away.

All Rose could do was stand there and watch the man go, mouth open and eyes wide. Once the initial shock wore off, she sighed and smacked her forehead with one hand. "_Yeah_, that would be the ending to this day."

Shaking her head with disbelief, she continued to watch the colourful man walk away with his friend, ignoring the Doctor when he called her name and approached her holding a bag of baguettes. "What's the matter?" he asked, frowning at her half-annoyed half-stunned look.

"I just got snogged," Rose said bluntly, not looking at him.

He promptly dropped the bag onto the pavement, gaping at her with a mixed look of shock and fury. "You _what_?!"

"By a walking bag of Skittles," Rose added, still staring at the man.

"What?" he repeated, with less anger and more confusion. She pointed to the rainbow man getting smaller and smaller in the distance, and the Doctor squinted his eyes to try and see the man better. "Oh, that's me!" he said with delight, before cringing as memories from that incarnation flooded back to him.

"_That's you_?!" Rose exclaimed. "How is that _you_?"

He looked sheepish. "Oh yeah, didn't tell you about regeneration. Er, Time Lords can change every cell in their bodies if they're fatally injured. So… yep, that's me."

Rose stared at him with shock before bursting into laughter. "Oh my _God,_ your outfit!"

"I try not to remember much about that part of my life," the Doctor grumbled, picking up the bag of baguettes and handing them to her.

She took them, until something finally clicked into place, and now it was her turn to drop the bag. "You snogged me."

"Er, what?" he asked embarrassedly, ears turning faintly pink.

"If that's you," Rose started slowly, pointing to the rainbow Doctor in the distance, "then you just snogged me."

There was a bit of an awkward silence between the two of them, in which Rose watched the Doctor with raised eyebrows, and said Doctor looked completely impassive. Then, to her immense astonishment, he scowled, "Well, that isn't fair!"

"_What_?!" Rose burst out, staring at him. That was definitely not the reaction she'd expected. "What does _fairness _have to do with a past, colour-blind you springin' a snog on me?"

"Because I don't remember doing it," he said bluntly, crossing his arms and staring at her over his nose. "Now think, Rose Tyler— I have been planning for months to find the right moment to snog you good and proper, and then I find out I've already done it before I knew you and when I was, and I quote, 'a walking bag of Skittles'. How is that fair, hm?"

Rose simply stood there, gaping at her big-eared Doctor, who never before had looked so serious, not even whilst facing down the Dalek or telling Jack to 'get the hell out and put some trousers on'. There was _no way _this gruff man she was so hopelessly in love with had just admitted to planning for months to kiss her and had gotten upset at a gaudy past version of himself beating him to the punch. And yet here he was, looking dead serious.

Through being surprised at this point, she decided to go with it and said, just as earnestly, "No, you're right, I guess that's not fair. Neither is findin' out the bloke you want to snog into the ground has been plannin' for months to snog you."

He took a step closer, ice blue eyes flashing at her own admittance. "No, I don't suppose that's fair either."

"Nope," she said, hand on her hip.

"S'pose there's only one way to make it fair, y'know," the Doctor said darkly, stepping forward again.

"Yeah?"

"Yep." He pulled her flush against his leather-clad chest. "Can I snog you?"

"You'd better," she said, weaving her arms around his neck just in time for him to dip her back in a perfect emulation of his past self and capture her compliant lips.

She heard tourists and passers-by ooh-ing and sighing but she ignored them, eyes sliding shut with contentment and tongue slipping into his mouth to taste him. They snogged for what seemed like forever, the Doctor making rumbling noises in his chest that Rose wanted to hear more of, and everything was perfect—

— until a baguette flew out of nowhere and struck the Doctor straight on the head, bouncing off him and onto the pavement. Pulling away from her mouth, he shouted, "OI!" to no one in particular, seeking out the culprit.

It turned out to be a beaming Jack some few metres in the background. When they spotted him and glared at him, his grin widened and he waved his arms, jumping up and down. "HEY DOC, CAN I JOIN?"

"NO!" shouted Rose and the Doctor simultaneously.

It was official— this was the weirdest day of her life.

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**A/N: A short fluffy Six-and-Nine/Rose crack!fic I thought of while re-watching the Long Game :) Written for natural-blues (it's her birthday!). Unbeta-d, because it's a surprise for my beta, so any mistakes are mine o: This is not part of my Forever and More series despite being a Six/Rose encounter (kind of). **

**Lil side note for the future: I've been having this plot bunny wreaking havoc in my head, about a crossover of DW and 28 Days Later (idc if Chris Eccleston was the bad fuy in there, I loved him) that's feature Rose, of course, Eleven and Henry West, who looks SUSPICIOUSLY like Rose's first Doctor ;) Iaia (natural-blues) said it has potential, but I'm still a bit skeptical. Is anybody interested in that, or should I just tell the bunny to fall down a hole or something?**


End file.
